Welcome, 2006...

First, I have to say that 2005 was full of events and happenings I didn't foresee. Funny...as some of the events unfolded, I didn't know then that they were actually for the good. Vice versa, I had no idea that some were unexpectantly worse than I had thought at the time of their unfolding. I do know this: Romans 8:28 says that all things can happen for the good of those who love God. The causal factor here is that one must love God. That's me. The resulting effect is that in all things, He is working for my sake and good benefit. How comforting this is...

The next and second thing, naturally, is that my hopes and expectations for the year 2006 are high. How could they not? They could not only if I had no faith at all and fail to see and learn from the all the events in my life up to this point that reveal the amazing faithfulness of God. That would be both a tragedy and a sad mode of betrayal on my part. But I know that He is good. Too good for me, yet His grace extends His goodness to me. And I'm thankful that I am simply aware of this fact.

Let 2006 come...I can't wait to see what I'll see.

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Faith or Experience?

From "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers:

We should battle through our moods, feelings, and emotions into absolute devotion to the Lord Jesus. We must break out of our own little world of experience into abandoned devotion to Him. Think who the New Testament says Jesus Christ is, and then think of the despicable meagerness of the miserable faith we exhibit by saying, "I haven’t had this experience or that experience"! Think what faith in Jesus Christ claims and provides— He can present us faultless before the throne of God, inexpressibly pure, absolutely righteous, and profoundly justified. Stand in absolute adoring faith "in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God— and righteousness and sanctification and redemption . . ." ( 1 Corinthians 1:30 ). How dare we talk of making a sacrifice for the Son of God! We are saved from hell and total destruction, and then we talk about making sacrifices!

We must continually focus and firmly place our faith in Jesus Christ— not a "prayer meeting" Jesus Christ, or a "book" Jesus Christ, but the New Testament Jesus Christ, who is God Incarnate, and who ought to strike us dead at His feet. Our faith must be in the One from whom our salvation springs. Jesus Christ wants our absolute, unrestrained devotion to Himself. We can never experience Jesus Christ, or selfishly bind Him in the confines of our own hearts. Our faith must be built on strong determined confidence in Him.

It is because of our trusting in experience that we see the steadfast impatience of the Holy Spirit against unbelief. All of our fears are sinful, and we create our own fears by refusing to nourish ourselves in our faith. How can anyone who is identified with Jesus Christ suffer from doubt or fear! Our lives should be an absolute hymn of praise resulting from perfect, irrepressible, triumphant belief.

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Aloha...

Just got back from a business trip to Oahu, Hawaii. I had one good day for surfing and diving, and it was a thrill. I had to admit: it was ridiculously beautiful. Had I not lived in ridiculously beautiful Monterey, I'm sure I would've been awed. As usual, being surrounded by natural wonders brings me back to God. His handiworks are truly awesome... taking my breath away. These two photos are the only two worth salvaging from the very few photos I took. Why so few pics? I'm not sure...it was as if I didn't want to look through the camera lens so I could look at the real thing as much as possible. Feel free to click them to view the larger photo.

The conference itself (about export control systems) was a learning experience for me. Not because of the substance of discourse, but because of the lack of substance in the discussions. I don't mean to appear arrogant, but I often found myself amazed to learn how far behind the world stands when it comes to security issues like export controls. Most disappointing was the realization that too many government officials from APEC countries found the whole conference and discussions to be terribly boring. How could they not be interested when they were in charge of such measures and programs in their countries? One of the Korean delegates skipped out one day to go have fun with a visiting friend in Waikiki. I wonder what Koreans would think of knowing their tax dollars (or Korean wons) were sending their bureaucrats to go shopping and sight-seeing.


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Nuclear Weapons

Today is my first day as a full-time Research Associate with the Center for Nonproliferation Studies (CNS), and I thank God for it. I'm excited to see what I'll learn and accomplish in the next year or so before the next chapter begins and takes me elsewhere. Looks like I'll be in beautiful Monterey for a while. Certainly can't complain about that...

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Missionary Weapons

From "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers:

Worshiping in Everyday Occasions. We presume that we would be ready for battle if confronted with a great crisis, but it is not the crisis that builds something within us— it simply reveals what we are made of already. Do you find yourself saying, "If God calls me to battle, of course I will rise to the occasion"? Yet you won’t rise to the occasion unless you have done so on God’s training ground. If you are not doing the task that is closest to you now, which God has engineered into your life, when the crisis comes, instead of being fit for battle, you will be revealed as being unfit. Crises always reveal a person’s true character.

A private relationship of worshiping God is the greatest essential element of spiritual fitness. The time will come, as Nathanael experienced in this passage, that a private "fig-tree" life will no longer be possible. Everything will be out in the open, and you will find yourself to be of no value there if you have not been worshiping in everyday occasions in your own home. If your worship is right in your private relationship with God, then when He sets you free, you will be ready. It is in the unseen life, which only God saw, that you have become perfectly fit. And when the strain of the crisis comes, you can be relied upon by God.

Are you saying, "But I can’t be expected to live a sanctified life in my present circumstances; I have no time for prayer or Bible study right now; besides, my opportunity for battle hasn’t come yet, but when it does, of course I will be ready"? No, you will not. If you have not been worshiping in everyday occasions, when you get involved in God’s work, you will not only be useless yourself but also a hindrance to those around you.

God’s training ground, where the missionary weapons are found, is the hidden, personal, worshiping life of the saint.

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This Experience Must Come...

From "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers:

It is not wrong for you to depend on your "Elijah" for as long as God gives him to you. But remember that the time will come when he must leave and will no longer be your guide and your leader, because God does not intend for him to stay. Even the thought of that causes you to say, "I cannot continue without my ’Elijah.’ " Yet God says you must continue.

Alone at Your "Jordan" ( Kings 2:14 ). The Jordan River represents the type of separation where you have no fellowship with anyone else, and where no one else can take your responsibility from you. You now have to put to the test what you learned when you were with your "Elijah." You have been to the Jordan over and over again with Elijah, but now you are facing it alone. There is no use in saying that you cannot go— the experience is here, and you must go. If you truly want to know whether or not God is the God your faith believes Him to be, then go through your "Jordan" alone.

Alone at Your "Jericho" ( 2 Kings 2:15 ). Jericho represents the place where you have seen your "Elijah" do great things. Yet when you come alone to your "Jericho," you have a strong reluctance to take the initiative and trust in God, wanting, instead, for someone else to take it for you. But if you remain true to what you learned while with your "Elijah," you will receive a sign, as Elisha did, that God is with you.

Alone at Your "Bethel" ( 2 Kings 2:23 ). At your "Bethel" you will find yourself at your wits’ end but at the beginning of God’s wisdom. When you come to your wits’ end and feel inclined to panic— don’t! Stand true to God and He will bring out His truth in a way that will make your life an expression of worship. Put into practice what you learned while with your "Elijah"— use his mantle and pray (see 2 Kings 2:13-14 ). Make a determination to trust in God, and do not even look for Elijah anymore.

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The Brave Friendship of God...

From "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers:

Oh, the bravery of God in trusting us! Do you say, "But He has been unwise to choose me, because there is nothing good in me and I have no value"? That is exactly why He chose you. As long as you think that you are of value to Him He cannot choose you, because you have purposes of your own to serve. But if you will allow Him to take you to the end of your own self-sufficiency, then He can choose you to go with Him "to Jerusalem" ( Luke 18:31 ). And that will mean the fulfillment of purposes which He does not discuss with you.

We tend to say that because a person has natural ability, he will make a good Christian. It is not a matter of our equipment, but a matter of our poverty; not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a matter of natural virtues, of strength of character, of knowledge, or of experience— all of that is of no avail in this concern. The only thing of value is being taken into the compelling purpose of God and being made His friends (see 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 ). God’s friendship is with people who know their poverty. He can accomplish nothing with the person who thinks that he is of use to God. As Christians we are not here for our own purpose at all— we are here for the purpose of God, and the two are not the same. We do not know what God’s compelling purpose is, but whatever happens, we must maintain our relationship with Him. We must never allow anything to damage our relationship with God, but if something does damage it, we must take the time to make it right again. The most important aspect of Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the surrounding influence and qualities produced by that relationship. That is all God asks us to give our attention to, and it is the one thing that is continually under attack.

Being Best Man for a Great Man...

Why is my brother IJ smiling so (that's me in the background)? Because he's waiting for his bride to join him at his side at the altar for the ceremony and for the rest of their lives. God has blessed him and our family with a dear sister. IJ is also an inspiration to all the old bachelors out there who have given up: he got married on July 2, 2005 at the young age of 37!

A million bucks says he'll tell you the wait was worth every bit to finally be together with Aileen. May God bless this union ...

Everyone Who Asks Receives...

From "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers:

There is nothing more difficult than asking. We will have yearnings and desires for certain things, and even suffer as a result of their going unfulfilled, but not until we are at the limit of desperation will we ask. It is the sense of not being spiritually real that causes us to ask. Have you ever asked out of the depths of your total insufficiency and poverty? "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God..." ( James 1:5 ), but be sure that you do lack wisdom before you ask. You cannot bring yourself to the point of spiritual reality anytime you choose. The best thing to do, once you realize you are not spiritually real, is to ask God for the Holy Spirit, basing your request on the promise of Jesus Christ (see Luke 11:13 ). The Holy Spirit is the one who makes everything that Jesus did for you real in your life.

"Everyone who asks receives . . . ." This does not mean that you will not get if you do not ask, but it means that until you come to the point of asking, you will not receive from God (see Matthew 5:45 ). To be able to receive means that you have to come into the relationship of a child of God, and then you comprehend and appreciate mentally, morally, and with spiritual understanding, that these things come from God.

"If any of you lacks wisdom..." If you realize that you are lacking, it is because you have come in contact with spiritual reality— do not put the blinders of reason on again. The word ask actually means "beg." Some people are poor enough to be interested in their poverty, and some of us are poor enough spiritually to show our interest. Yet we will never receive if we ask with a certain result in mind, because we are asking out of our lust, not out of our poverty. A pauper does not ask out of any reason other than the completely hopeless and painful condition of his poverty. He is not ashamed to beg— blessed are the paupers in spirit (see Matthew 5:3 ).

The End of a Chapter

I graduated from my MA program on May 14, 2005. It's hard to believe I not only survived, but actually did fine. It's a miracle considering how much I used to hate school throughout my life. I've somehow become a walking, living testament of God's greatness. While this may highlight an odd and embarrassing shortcoming on my part, I'm honored to witness for God in any way possible.



On a different note, I can't escape the looming awareness that my days here in Monterey are numbered. I'll miss the beautiful surroundings and MIIS.

How many times did I walk by the Bay...just me and my thoughts?
How many night stay up late to work?
How many times did I listen to the waves as I was falling asleep?
How many sunrises over the Bay did I witness?
How many stars did I count in the nightsky over Monterey?
How often did I think of God...?
I'll miss this place, and I'll think back fondly...

Readiness

From "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers:

When God speaks, many of us are like people in a fog, and we give no answer. Moses’ reply to God revealed that he knew where he was and that he was ready. Readiness means having a right relationship to God and having the knowledge of where we are. We are so busy telling God where we would like to go. Yet the man or woman who is ready for God and His work is the one who receives the prize when the summons comes. We wait with the idea that some great opportunity or something sensational will be coming our way, and when it does come we are quick to cry out, "Here I am." Whenever we sense that Jesus Christ is rising up to take authority over some great task, we are there, but we are not ready for some obscure duty.

Readiness for God means that we are prepared to do the smallest thing or the largest thing— it makes no difference. It means we have no choice in what we want to do, but that whatever God’s plans may be, we are there and ready. Whenever any duty presents itself, we hear God’s voice as our Lord heard His Father’s voice, and we are ready for it with the total readiness of our love for Him. Jesus Christ expects to do with us just as His Father did with Him. He can put us wherever He wants, in pleasant duties or in menial ones, because our union with Him is the same as His union with the Father. ". . . that they may be one just as We are one . . ." ( John 17:22 ).

Be ready for the sudden surprise visits of God. A ready person never needs to get ready— he is ready. Think of the time we waste trying to get ready once God has called! The burning bush is a symbol of everything that surrounds the person who is ready, and it is on fire with the presence of God Himself.

Five Weeks and Counting...

Five weeks till graduating from the Monterey Institute of International Studies (MIIS). My Master of Arts degree in International Policy Studies and my Certificate in Nonproliferation Studies included the study of the workings of various WMD, U.S. foreign policy, the North Korean nuclear crisis, terrorism involving WMD, comparative national security policies, technology and international security, and many more.


In addition, with my fluency in Korean and various experiences, it appears as though I should be some expert fit to analyze and advise on important security issues. Yet I feel so embarrassingly inadequate when I think about it. What have I learned over the last two years? All those hours reading books and papers or sitting at the computer late into the night ... I thought I'd feel properly equipped and prepared to work in this field after MIIS. Rather, as the end draws near, the dominant thought in my mind is, "I'm so ill-prepared to serve ... " It's true: the more one learns and broadens his horizons, the more he realizes how much he doesn't know ...

How ironic ...

The Next Chapter?

I received a phone call from the federal government this morning around 9:12, and they offered me the job. It's been my first choice, and I feel as though I landed on a pot of gold. The terms were even better than I'd anticipated. I'm so grateful to God for His blessings. I wanted to share the news with everyone I saw but I want to rejoice with Him quietly, humbly. Besides, I know I can't talk about it with others without being so vague. I called my mother to let her know that I'll be returning to Washington; she cried joyfully on hearing the news. Dan Pinkston said, "You're going to be doing what? We're in trouble now."

Nothing is guaranteed yet and it'll be a long process to overcome some hurdles and complete everything. But I don't worry...if God wants to use me in this capacity, it'll work out. If not, He'll guide me in other directions. Either way, I can't lose...

Job Interview

Just interviewed with the representatives from a federal government agency yesterday morning. They seemed to really like me, despite my being less eloquent and clear with my statements than normal. I even made the simplest mistakes when addressing and greeting them in a professional manner (that's unusual). It just demonstrates that if God is with me (i.e., Joseph and David), I can't go wrong. Conversely, nothing I do or achieve -- no matter how spectacular it may seem to others -- is right or worth doing, if God is not with me.

So how does one receive the favor of the Lord like David and Joseph? I think it's a combination of many things, passionately loving God being the single greatest element. But, too often, I find myself loving and lusting after the pleasures of this world, despite knowing that they're all so fleeting and futile. Perhaps this is why I'm constantly asking God to give me more passion, desire, thirst and hunger for His fellowship and His ways. Yet, all too often, I'm terribly guilty of not seeking Him only hours after I tearfully ask Him for these things. I'm reminded, again, of His faithfulness to me despite my unfaithfulness to Him. I've felt this unworthy grace time and time again, and I'm so very grateful. Still, I'm tired of being unfaithful.

I want to be more faithful...

Obedience to God

From "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers:

If we obey God, it is going to cost other people more than it costs us, and that is where the pain begins. If we are in love with our Lord, obedience does not cost us anything— it is a delight. But to those who do not love Him, our obedience does cost a great deal. If we obey God, it will mean that other people’s plans are upset. They will ridicule us as if to say, "You call this Christianity?" We could prevent the suffering, but not if we are obedient to God. We must let the cost be paid.

When our obedience begins to cost others, our human pride entrenches itself and we say, "I will never accept anything from anyone." But we must, or disobey God. We have no right to think that the type of relationships we have with others should be any different from those the Lord Himself had (see Luke 8:1-3 ).

A lack of progress in our spiritual life results when we try to bear all the costs ourselves. And actually, we cannot. Because we are so involved in the universal purposes of God, others are immediately affected by our obedience to Him. Will we remain faithful in our obedience to God and be willing to suffer the humiliation of refusing to be independent? Or will we do just the opposite and say, "I will not cause other people to suffer"? We can disobey God if we choose, and it will bring immediate relief to the situation, but it will grieve our Lord. If, however, we obey God, He will care for those who have suffered the consequences of our obedience. We must simply obey and leave all the consequences with Him.

Beware of the inclination to dictate to God what consequences you would allow as a condition of your obedience to Him.